Hi Corporeal Beings! Crewman Becky here. Have you ever noticed the seemingly psychic operation of the crew quarters’ doorways? How they seem to know that they should open when someone is heading in their direction to enter or exit the room, but to stay closed when someone is merely passing by. I’m not saying that it’s actually operated by several pairs of unseen hands always on the opposite side of the wall than our viewing angle or anything… but their discernment is (generally) uncanny. How do they know? Really…HOW DO THEY KNOW?!  Well, I’m here to tell you that they don’t always.

I’m reminded of an incident that occurred during my third year aboard ship. I had retired to my quarters to clean up after a rigorous day of removing bio-gel packs that burst as the result of a particularly bumpy ride through an unexpected wormhole. Cold cream on face, hair askew, wrapped in a towel, and just out of the sonic shower, I walked across my quarters to the replicator for a light midnight snack (one pan of brownies the size of a Jefferies tube hatch and one cup of milk…hot). Extremely excited at the prospect of guilt free brownies (…you see, I have an under the table deal with Chief O’Brian. He transports “out” the contents of my indulgences before the calories can set in, in exchange for my appearing “unexpectedly” with news of a crisis, whenever Keiko appropriates him for a day of gardening), I tripped from a loose thread on my tribble slippers and fell flat on my face as I passed by my cabin doors.  

Hearing a swooshing sound, I looked up only to be greeted by the bewildered stare of Ensign Rodriguez ushering a visiting Ferengi delegation down the hallways. Well, as you can imagine, I was mortified. I mean, really, the purchase prices the delegation started shouting at Ensign Rodriguez were way below the average for females in this part of the galaxy. What did they think?  That that was my usual state of appearance? How dare they presume to know how I look on a day to day basis! If that group of frenzied otoplasty candidates didn’t think enough of me to… ohhh, ummm… where was I? Oh ya, right. So, I guess I’m just offering a bit of a friendly advice. Take it from me… always go to bed on an empty stomach.